Night...mare?

The night was silent.

As the night ages, the silent broke.

A sound of crying was heard.

Then the sound of heavy breathing...

The mind was running, repeatingly.

Echoes, voices were repeating in the head numerous times.



Seems whatever said still said something I said was wrong
Admitting it then, seems wrong as well
The mind just went blank...after some time
Couldn't stop laughing after...
Feels insane to laugh...but can't seem to control it anymore
Head feels light, eyes were wet from tears
The other end...echoes of cries whispered by.
The feeling of confusion takes over...
The calming feeling came after hearing the echoes
Trying to wake up.

Useless. Just feel useless at that time.
Stupid. Too stupid to think or notice anything.
Wrong. Always saying or doing wrong.

I miss my bro. I hate myself.

Today's a bright new day.


I will be better.

But...pls, stop it...am i that s*****??
Am I really??

Days when dad calls me when he's mad always comes back to mind...
Repeating. Circling in the head. Just stays there will I sleep.
Waking up today, feeling light & blank.
Don't seem to recall...
Remembering mom stroking me to sleep so I will calm down...
I really wanted a hug...a hug so badly...
But can't reach for any...there was none

Blogging it helps clear my mind...I'm relieved.

Although...I know that I'm always not alone.
Something has been following me for years...
I knew. But I never said it to anyone.