Unintentionally

I didn't know that a question can turned around and spoil things. Unintentionally.

All I did was ask. I didn't have any other intention nor was I forcing. If I had repeated many times, then I'm sorry. But ended up cos of someone else I had to take everything. Someone else who is not liked at all. It was just cos I asked with a good intention. I'm sorry that my good intention was not something good to you. And hell, I'm not trying to hold on to the question or keep bringing it up. I just was worried about you. That was it.

I called back to say I'm sorry, to just let go of the whole thing. Whoever is at wrong doesn't matter. But answering coldly doesn't bring anyone anywhere. I knew that from that tone, there is no point in repairing it.

I found my eyes watery when I sat down at my office desk. I felt blank...

I felt my heart aching...with confusion. And I know, someone else's heart aches too.

Now I know what it was like when I use to lose my temper a long time ago. It must have hurt so many people around me without my knowledge. When temper takes in, emotions are disturbed. Words come out cold, and mean. I was really mean back then. I started to get worse for the last 2+ years.

Had a talked with daddy in the morning. Got shot down by him. But he had a point as in if I'm interested in something, I should take more initiative to learn about it. It's a far way to go...but then I will learn what I can. So many things and so long way to go...I've wasted enough time.

I have thought of studies. Fashion, beauty...towards that direction. But when and where? Should I? Or just go on with what I am doing? In a beauty company as an in-house designer? Or, do I want more?

Life's to be better this year after a whole sour year of the bull. Many had really bad times. Family, friends...all told me they had bitter times. Now is already the new year. The year of the tiger. As heard, it might be better for me. I'm looking forward to a better tomorrow, a better week, a better month and a better year.

I've learned a new things. I've learned to be stronger; I've learned to let go. I've learned how to cool off when I can and not lose my temper so easily anymore. Learning 1 step at a time.

Living in life...is not as easy. Nothing would be made easy. There would be no challenges nor would there be anyone learning how life really is and how it takes us to a whole new level.

Now what I wish for...? Guess.

Heads feel heavy. Wonder why...