Dark...

Today the environment made me feel rather dark and grey today. Nothing spectacular benefits nor happiness. Just blankness I feel. Just perhaps I should go to the temple again to feel at ease and see what can the Chai Kong do for me.

Starting this month seems to be terrible for me, other than last weekend. The starting of this week seems to be getting me so down that I'm just feeling down, blank and confused. I just don't understand what have I done to get all this? The whole week started off really sour and it seems to be getting worse by the minute.

Leaving isn't really the answer, but that is the feeling that comes on real strong. It's a decision that is so tempting. But yet, its not reachable. Just only in sight. Would this really give me my answer?

I'm hanging on blank and undecided decisions. Another month to improve is bad enough. And what, just cos of something new and I have to bear with it? Very fair indeed. Only for their selfish selves yes.

Hate the fact that I get it for nothing. My best for whatever I do is not enough. I've about had it now. Shall I just forget it and kill it? I feel like killing myself more than anything now.